あたらしい
クラリネットを
キーッきー
ムゴンです
まだまだですが
はなします。
あめザーッ
ジャンジャンが
ちんもく
Here are three せんりゅう、the last of which is possibly a はいく. Any suggestions, comments, or questions are welcome! I would like to not describe the poems so people can interpret them on their own, but like I said, if you have questions let me know!
ありがとうございます、
アレン
いちばんめのはいくが大好きです。I can see a lot of interpretations for the katakana in this haiku – my favorite is that the キーッきー represents the sound of the clarinet, first not very pleasant but as it warms up becoming a nice sound. Since you used the particle を I can also imagine someone trying to tune the clarinet, or getting used to the keys...
ReplyDeleteI also liked your other haikus, but I found the second one slightly confusing, because I'm not sure what you mean by "まだまだですが” - is it "not yet" or "still" (but in this case, not yet what or still what?)
I thought all three of them were great and 三番目が大好き。I thought the image of silence against the rain was particularly vivid and easy to imagine. I also thought it was cool that you managed to work in Katakana in more than one place in two of your はいく and still made it work which I'm sure was not easy to do.
ReplyDeleteAll three of them are good. I particularly like the third one best. I think the sounds of the rain is very clear and the message is well conveyed. Great work!
ReplyDelete